The disease to please. It’s the real deal. If you’ve got it, the good news is that there is a cure, but it all starts with you. At times, it can be sickening how far we will go to do things for others, at the expense of our own personal health and well-being.

I’ve been a victim of the disease to please. Have you? In our deep-seated desire to make others happy, we end up putting our own self-care and priorities on the sidelines, as if they don’t matter as much. When you allow someone to walk all over you, you become a human doormat.

Are you ready to stop being someone else’s doormat and start making your needs a priority? In the words of Lysa Terkeurst, “We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please.”

Are you ready to learn how you can get back up when life knocks you on your ass? CLICK HERE for instant access to my free resilience mastery eBook!

By nature, women are nurturers. Built into our DNA is a desire to help others. I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing to show compassion and love to people, but there is a big difference between people pleasing and serving others. Jessica Turner, the author of The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You, surveyed over 2,000 women for her book. Among other things, she asked her participants to describe the hardest part of being a woman. The common theme? Being everything to everyone. Are you surprised? I’m not.

The disease to please is rampant.

According to Dr. Susan Newman, people pleasers want everyone around them to be happy. And they will do whatever it takes to keep them that way. It’s great that you want to help others, BUT you need to know when to stop. This is where people get stuck. People pleasing behavior is rooted in a desire for self-acceptance and validation from others.

The rationale is that if I bend over backwards to do this for him or her, they will like me and know that I’m a good person, and in turn, will do nice things for me as well. However, basing your self-worth on what others think of us is a toxic and slippery slope, and one that won’t get you anywhere.

I hate to break it to you but when you don’t feel worthy about yourself, the easy alternative is to feel a sense of significance from helping others. The best way to take back control of your life is to shift your mindset and engage in actions that honor your needs, so that you can rid yourself of people pleasing patterns once and for all. Here are 3 ways that you can drop the disease to please, stop being a human doormat, and take back control of your life:

1. Say “No” More Often

People pleasers never say “no”, for fear that they will disappoint others, and in turn, lose their friendships. Regardless of whether you want to believe it or not, saying “yes” all the time will only leave you feeling depleted, stressed, and overwhelmed. Start with small no’s and work your way up to bigger ones.

When you finally have the courage to stand up for yourself, notice the massive emotional weight that is lifted off of your shoulders. You are just as important as the people that you are trying to please. Don’t forget it. In the words of Paulo Coehlo, “When you say “yes” to others, make sure that you aren’t saying “no” to yourself.”

2. Listen To Your Gut

If something doesn’t feel right, then it isn’t. As women, we know how true this can be. Why is trusting your gut so powerful? Because your gut never lies. It is the seat of your intuition, and a form of intelligence that allows you to understand and use information that will guide you throughout your life.

In the words of Bruce Kasanoff, “That ‘bad feeling’ gnawing away at you is your intuition telling you that no matter how badly you might wish to talk yourself into this direction, it is the wrong way to go.”  Trust your inner voice and take action from this place.

3. Remove Toxic People

If you have the disease to please, there will always be toxic people who will try to take advantage of you. You are an easy target and a toxic person can smell you from a mile away. Toxic friendships can affect very area of your life, if you allow them to, including your own sanity.

Look at your friends and ask yourself who is holding you back. Ditch anyone that isn’t serving your highest self. If you are a people pleaser, this may feel harsh and selfish, but it’s not. Honoring your needs is healthy. Purge a few toxic people from your life and see how it feels. As you become more assertive and start to set healthy boundaries, your will stop worrying what other people think of you, and you will notice how good it feels to free yourself from these energy vampires.

Drop the disease to please and take back control of your life. Value yourself to walk away from anything that doesn’t serve you. It all comes down to knowing your self-worth. You deserve the love and support that you so freely give to others, so stop thinking about what you can give to others, and start focusing on your own needs.

Are you ready to learn how you can get back up when life knocks you on your ass? CLICK HERE for instant access to my free resilience mastery eBook!

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