Are You In A Narcissistic Relationship? How To Break Free From An Energy Vampire And Heal Your Heart
Are you in a narcissistic relationship? If so, now is the time to get out.
A narcissist is someone who exaggerates his or her achievements or talents, requires constant admiration, has the inability to recognize the needs of others, and uses people for his or her own gain.
In my personal experience, being with one makes you lose your sense of self, to the point where you question everything about who you are as a human being.
Luckily, I was able to find my wings again, and so can you.
Are you ready to learn how you can get back up when life knocks you on your ass? CLICK HERE for instant access to my free resilience mastery guidebook!
Healing from a narcissistic relationship is a process.
It’s hard to walk away from a narcissist. I’ve been there. I was a victim of a narcissistic relationship pattern for 7 years. It’s fair to say that I was addicted to the relationship, to the point where I thought I was nothing without him. That’s what a narcissist makes you believe.
He strung me along with intermittent levels of false hope. My guy liked to mix in loving words and beautiful acts of kindness with cutting-edge remarks about why I wasn’t good enough. He made me believe that if I behaved in the “ideal fashion,” that he would love me for me. What a lie that ended up being.
To this day, I’m still embarrassed by how weak I was. Why couldn’t I have just been strong enough to stand up for myself? How could I have let someone hurt me so badly? These stories played out in my head, on repeat.
After years of learning and unlearning about this disease, I now know why I felt so helpless and lacking in control for all those years. I’ve forgiven myself. It’s okay that I stayed for so long. I wasn’t informed. As they say, you’ve got to go through it to get to the end of it. That’s exactly what I did.
I sat with my pain and worked through the shame, guilt, and heartbreak. Over time, I understood what it meant to be an empath and how I could protect my energy moving forward. I always knew that I would get through it one day.
This required remembering who the real Ashley was, pre-narcissistic relationship.
Ask any empath and they will tell you about their experience with a narcissist, and the toll that it took on their life. An empath is a giver, while a narcissist is a taker. The combination is an addictive disaster waiting to happen. Narcissists LOVE empaths. They pray on them and latch onto their loving, soft and gentle nature. Doing so feeds their ego, leaving the empath feeling like he/she has done something wrong.
In their search to fix the other person and see the good in everyone, the empath slowly loses themselves in this twisted love affair to the point where their energy is sucked away. They become mentally and emotionally exhausted, to the point where you lose themselves.
In many relationships that come to a close, once people’s psychological immune system has kicked in, there comes a moment of detachment. There is a feeling of being ready to let go and start fresh. This never happens in a narcissistic relationship.
Instead, there is a feeling of being shocked, to the point where everything that you knew about your connection to the person is gone. Oftentimes, the empath falls into the trap of thinking ruminative thoughts, to the point where they think everything was their fault.
You don’t have to feel powerless for one moment longer. Trust that healing will make you a more whole, aware, cohesive and self-loving person. After all, you’ve always deserved a warm and healthy relationship.
Here are 5 ways to heal from a narcissistic relationship.
1. Cut off All Communication with Your Ex
This is the one piece of advice that I didn’t listen to. I firmly believe that it was the primary reason why my pain lasted so much longer than it should have. A narcissist will always try to suck you back into their web of lies and deception.
They are skilled at catching you off guard, giving false promises, and projecting their emotional baggage onto you. The only way to rid yourself of this toxicity is to remove yourself from the equation. This is the moment at which you take back your power. You feel it in your soul.
Block the narcissist from all forms of communication. Whatever you need to do in order to start the process of getting yourself back. You will know when you have hit your emotional threshold. It will be the point at which you are ready to create healthy boundaries.
2. Allow Yourself to Grieve
I have found that the only way of getting through the healing process is to be open to the grieving process. Breaking free from a narcissist will require that you go through the five stages of grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
It’s not a linear experience for everyone. Some people get stuck in denial for years, while others struggle to move past anger. I encourage you to feel everything. Don’t hold back. Emotions, both good and bad, are there for a reason. I found my biggest challenge to be grieving the woman that I left behind, prior to my narcissistic relationship.
As you shift from a state of confusion to clarity, it might feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable to experience the kind of calm that you are supposed to have in the first place. However, in due time, you will find yourself transforming into an even better version of yourself than you were before the pain. Don’t give up.
3. Accept and Forgive Yourself
Admitting that you are in love with a narcissist isn’t easy. As hard as the situation may be, the first step to healing is to accept that you are or were in a relationship with one. You didn’t cause this train wreck of emotions. It’s not your fault.
In the words of Don Miguel Ruiz, “When you forgive yourself, self-acceptance begins and self-love grows.”
As you begin the process of deconstructing what transpired, you will see that blaming yourself just doesn’t make sense. Recognize that you were in a relationship with someone that is not only sick but also not deserving of your time and energy.
Yes, you chose to be with this person and you fought hard to make it work, but it’s time to walk away. You’ve got to recognize that charm and persuasion are the top personality traits of a narcissist. They are captivating. It feels good to have someone promise you the world, look into your eyes and tell you how amazing you are. That is until they drag you through the mud one minute later.
Educate yourself about narcissism. Read books, listen to a podcast, take a course, anything that will give you more clarity about this disease. As you do, you will realize that there is nothing you could have done.
4. Cleanse Your Mind, Body, and Soul
Once you’ve rid yourself of a narcissist, now it’s time to remove the toxicity of them from your system. The best thing that you can do is externalize your present state. Journal about your experience, seek out a therapist or coach or talk to a friend who has been in your shoes. Even better, create a support group. There are so many women out there who have fallen victim to a narcissist.
I have found that one of the most powerful ways to help clear the mind and body of toxic energy is through a powerful movement practice that allows you to sweat and release. Things like dance, yoga, and deep breathing exercises provide you with the opportunity to find your way back to yourself. Move the stale energy in your body by reigniting the fire that lies dormant inside of you. Extreme self-care is the name of the game.
5. Reignite Your Passions
A critical step in regaining your sense of self is to reignite your passions and embrace the newness of things. Doing so allows you to shift out of victim mentality and become a victor again.
Research shows that changing your environment enhances your mindfulness. Trying new things builds new neuropathways in your brain, which allows you to shift your focus from the hurtful past to the exciting future, on impulse.
Even though I felt like curling in a ball and crying most days, I forced myself to focus on work that was meaningful and that brought me joy. Doing so helped accelerate my healing process. By consciously stopping myself from dwelling on the past, I was able to catapult myself towards the future. Was it easy? Hell no.
There were many days when I would revert back to old patterns of thinking. Whenever I did this, I would actively redirect my energy to the positive aspects of my life that I was proud of. Do what you love with whom you love. Trust me when I say that it makes the emotional blows so much easier to handle.
Life after a narcissistic relationship is possible if you ready to let go.
If you find yourself in a co-dependent relationship with a narcissist, the best solution is to leave. It was never your job to fix anyone. Instead, focus on loving yourself and the rest will fall into place.
As someone once said, “Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”
Now is the time to walk away from this toxic energy and put back together the pieces of your broken heart. Are you ready?
Are you ready to learn how you can get back up when life knocks you on your ass? CLICK HERE for instant access to my free resilience mastery guidebook!
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